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Submitted on
January 31


8,915 (5 today)
41 (who?)
But I want everyone to know a little about this anyway.

My life has turned upside down.

I've had certain issues in my life for years now...and it turned out I couldn't handle them anymore.
On tuesday I had a sudden mental breakdown and soon found myself in a hospital where I spent a couple of days.
Now I find myself deeply depressed, something that I've known for almost two years already but what I've been hiding from everyone. Always keeping a smile on my face, no one could suspect anything and sometimes even I believed everything was okay. But that for sure wasn't true.

I'm having a break from my studies, I hope I will be able to continue someday.

But please, PLEASE, I ask you not to let this information make you pity me.
Do NOT start treating me differently now that you know this. Because I don't want people to start thinking I'm something overly vulnerable and will break like a fragile glass or something. No.

And DO NOT DARE to think drawing "Behind the Disguise" is one of the reasons behind my depression.
Because drawing, and especially drawing that doujinshi, is one of the rare things that give me something to look forward to, something that makes me truly eager and gives me a reason to get up every morning.
If drawing was taken away from me, I'd seriously question my reason to exist.

But even though I have more time now, I will keep posting two pages a week and not more. I don't want one of the rare pleasant things turn into unpleasant by forcing myself and doing it too much.

Love you all, I don't know what would've happened to me if you weren't always there, cheering me up with your sweet and caring comments, making me smile. :heart:
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Hellisinearth Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh god, I didn't know any of these.... and I guess I am a bit late, but please please please please please please please please get better!!!!! I couldn't live without your deviantart art so you must get better soon!! 
And if someone is bothering you or something like that I'll go to Finland and break that bitch's stupid face!
So I hope you get better, and just let ya know that you are the best artist I've known and that you also seem to be a wonderful girl. 
Yasuli Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for all the cheering, I'm not going to give up just yet, I promise I'll keep on fighting because that's my ninja way. ;D
Ishizue Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014
I saw your post a little late, but still want to write a few words. It`s good you`re taking break from your studies. Take your time, don`t hurry up and go back only if you truly will feel you want it. I`m kinda in similar situation, but i thought I must go back as soon as I can, I took only half year break and go back although I was treambling with fear and end up failin again. This reapeated for 3 years, until I finally reasigned and decided to try something else. And I also smiled as long, as I could. Even psychitrist said I don`t have depression, because I`m smiling (stupid old geezer!) Good thing, that drawing gives you motivation :) Wish you luck, lot of sun anf good supportive, understanding people around You :)
P.S. Sorry for my English, it`s not my native language. ;)
BrownHairedMage Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014
I kind of understand that. I put on a smile and no one is the wiser. I just hope you can find something that won't just make you get up, I hope you can find something that will make you not want a single day to end. I just hope you can feel like that again Hug Heart 
HandsCraft Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist
I think I kind of understand what you feel like. My situation backthen isn t really comparable, because I wasn t really feeling as bad as you feel, but just one thing what helped me was to cry in front of my friends. I really do have problems showing my feelings, espeacially the ones I do not like, but it was something hat made me feel a lot better, maybe it was becacuse I saw how much they care about me. Keep doing the things you like and do not stress yourself too much :heart:
I hope it will turn okay again.
KaizenKitty Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student Writer
Well, kind of late, but I hope things turn out okay for you. Just remember that life goes on, and however high the shitpile you have to wade through is, you'll get past it eventually.
GihBright Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
Well, sorry for my poor english, but I can't see any... fuck I don't have the world right now -.-  but I think you are a stronger person. Now things are bad, but looks that you are fighting agnst this. Nobody who is fragile or coward do it. I am not pitting you or trying to say shit, sorry if looks this (I just can put it on english words), but I just want you to know that you and your art are amazing and you can do all you want. ^^ 
MegaAnimeFreak7 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Student Writer
Feel better darlin'. We're here for you :3
shilgiia Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014  Student
i know its a bit of a late response but i had a break down two years ago...
now my life is back on track it took me a year to recover
just wanted to show some support anyway i love you work so dont you dare stop drawing !
especially if that is something you like doing
keep on being awesome !
xoneofthesedaysx Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014
Feel better I love your artwork and im glad that it makes you happy and you have your fans to also support you ;3; ♥♥♥
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